ur mom hands u a glass of orange juice. u take a sip. its not orange juice. its stirred egg yolks. u spit them all out. u ask ur mom why. she turns around. its not ur mom. its me. ur mom is gone. im ur mother now
these old spice commercials have been getting really crazy lately
i feel so whack judging lame people in relationships im so bitter that nerds can be happy
So just because someone doesn’t fit your definition of “cool” they’re not allowed to be in a happy, healthy relationship? Maybe that’s why you’re single.
im single because every sexual partner ive had has died from immense physical trauma due to my gigantic wiener. so maybe take a walk in my shoes before you judge…